Jamai Shashthi Son-In-Law Day

After the month of ‘Baisakh’, comes ‘Jaistha’, that is middle of May-June. In this month there is a celebration called Jamai Shasthi when a mother-in-law greets her sons in law. It is an auspicious occasion and sons in law, are invited, greeted with new clothes, sweets and fruits. The son-in-law is seated on the ‘asan’ (mat), the mother in law holding a thaala containing six fruits touches it first to his forehead and then to the chest. Then she ties the auspicious thread on his right wrist. The thread should be covered with ‘halud’ (turmeric) and six ‘durba’ (fresh blades of grass) tied to it. The thread is called Shashti Suto and has the blessings of the ‘Ma Shashti’ who is the tutelary divinity of child birth and protector of children.

A treat for the son-in-law awaits every year from his in-laws or ‘Shoshur bari’ – as they say in Bengal. Held in the Bengali month of ‘Jaistha’, Jamai Shasthi is a social custom. The ‘jamai’ or the son-in-law is treated with his favourite delicacies by his in-laws specially to ensure that he treats their daughter with due respect for the rest of the year. The menu includes special Bengali dishes such as various fish delicacies, prawn malaikari & special ‘jamaishasthi sondesh’. Lavish gifts are given to the son-in-law & he too in return gifts his mother-in-law with something special. For the day he relishes the attention he receives from his in-laws.

The fast pace of life and the changing social norms has mellowed down the once very happening social custom among the Bengalis. The word ‘Jamai’ (son-in-law) suggests a relationship much closer to heart. So Jamai Sashthi is an occasion when the entire family got involved in preparing to welcome the son-in-law. Fish being a Bengali delicacy is in great demand in the local fish market. Large sized fishes are delivered to homes, ‘handis of rasogollas’ and packets of ‘sondesh’ are ordered from the sweet shops. Fifteen to sixteen dishes were prepared to serve their favourite Jamai. The full course lunch right from ‘gorom bhate ghee’ to ‘pan-masala’ is prepared by the food loving Bengalis for their loving son-in-laws.

On the arrival of the daughter and son-in-law, a brief social ritual is performed. The son-in-law is given five fruits followed by ‘aashirbad’ with ‘dhan’ and ‘dubbo’. A mark or a ‘phota’ with curd is applied on the forehead of the son-in-law and a yellow thread tied around his wrist. These rituals are still performed till date. Lunch is always a lengthy affair. Bowls of finely cooked vegetable curries and various fish curries are elaborately arranged around the main dish, a plate full of rice or pollau. The son-in-law relishes the food while the whole household looked on and his mother-in-law fanned him with the finely pleated palm leaf hand fan.

It is said that Jamaishasthi originated ages ago as a part of women’s socio-religious duty. Goddess Shasthi is always worshipped by the women folk of the family for the goodwill of their children. It was told that there once existed a family in a certain town whose youngest daughter-in-law was a greedy woman. She used to eat most of the dishes and blame it on the cat that used to frequent their home. The cat who is the ‘bahana’ (appurtenance) of Goddess Shasthi complained about the injustice done to her. It is said the daughter-in-law of the household gave birth to seven sons and a daughter but all her children were stolen from her. Heartbroken she was driven away from home to the jungle. While she sat crying Goddess Shasthi took pity on her and appeared before her in the guise of an old woman. When the young woman poured out her sorrow, Shasthi reminded her of her past wrongdoings. She repented and asked for mercy. She was then asked to perform some social rituals which brought back her children. This story inspired many women folk to pray to the Goddess Shasthi for their children and perform puja. This slowly took turn to Jamai Shasthi.

Today, however, the whole idea of the wife’s family “honouring” the son-in-law is nothing but an excuse to troop out with the entire family to dig into a sumptuous a-la-carte or buffet spread at a Bengali restaurant. And don’t be surprised if the jamai ends up footing the bill for the jamai ador!

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